Gene: It's Fun to be a Sellout

Yup, the former KISS star has not only become a self indulging sellout, but has alluded to always being one. During one of the most boring 1/2 hrs of my life I began watching an episode of Gene Simmons: Family Jewels.

Apart from the crappy mock-u-mentary style it was shot in, it followed Gene around, showcasing his lifestyle post-KISS. Remember He-Man and the Masters of the Universe? He's kind of turning himself into that type of franchise. He's selling his name, the KISS name, and both his (and his characters) face to just about everything that might be willing to draw in an extra dollar.

I think its the saddest thing when a really talented artist starts trying to turn himself into a Mega-Enterprise. Gene has over-flowing talent, he could make so much more of his life writing and producing music for others. His TV show really shows how he's willing to use his talent to break into the consumer goods market; and really doesn't care that much for the music anymore. However...

If the entire show is meant to poke fun at other similar types of shows; or the show is intended to portray how the music industry has changed so much it requires artists to compromise their integrity, than I think it's brilliant. Showcasing how a giant within the industry has to sell out to maintain a certain lifestyle really drives that message home.

Hmmm... What kind of lifestyle could a great musician have if he wasn't a sell out?

5 things you can talk about at cocktail parties to ensure you won't get laid, but people will want to lay you.

I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but in reality, isn't it what everyone wants?

You can look around the room and say to yourself, everyone wants me; but I don't have to worry about getting anyone pregnant, diseases, or not getting a good nights sleep. Maybe talking like this makes me a nerd. If i AM a nerd, I'm the coolest nerd around.

T h e l i s t :

1. The Coolest Technology

Everyone knows that talking about the coolest technology isn't the coolest thing to bring up at a cocktail party. However, if your talking to a group of people who can benefit from knowing about a piece of technology you've researched, it might be a good way to get that "special someone" to take notice of you.

2. Partial Fame

It's true that the Paris Hilton's, J-Lo's and JT's of the world clean up at parties thanks to their fame, but you might be slightly more famous than you think. Anything that is produced and delivered to the masses is considered by some to be cool. If you've been a part of any ad campaign, throwing around names of what you've worked on won't just get you some awesome feedback from "real" people, but might actually get you some phone numbers.

3. The Biggest Social Butterfly is

If it's my generation that will set the new standard for media conglomerates; MySpace and Facebook will quickly become the new Time Warner and Fox. Talking about social networking groups may have been nerdy at one time, but now you're really involved and helping to develop the way people communicate. It's very possible that YOU could develop the next YOUTUBE. If not, you could always develop a really cool app that helps define usability within a networking site. Now that's not only a cool way to promote your business, but its also a cool way to promote yourself.

4. The Personal Mission

An awesome way to engage people at parties is by approaching them with an marketing mission. You can help your business, your clients business, or yourself by making connections with really cool people who look like they could help promote what your working on. The best kind of promotion is through people who are true advocates of your brand. Try convincing them of the merits of your brand then assign them a personal mission to promote it when they can. It never hurts to have several advocates roaming around.

5. You Have the IN's

Finally, working in advertising provides certain people with promotional items. We sometimes get free passes to concerts, or free samples of clothes, or sometimes even a free BMW to drive around. These cool things, and cool contacts all act as social catalysts to make people want you.

Again, this isn't about getting laid, it's about learning a thing-or-two about being cool.

Two things everyone should know about advertising

1. IT'S A GUESSING GAME

In the end, after all the testing, focus groups, and research are over, we're making our best guess. Generally, we think whatever advertising program we've come up with will work; but it might not. People always react a bit differently to any stimuli.

NOTE: It's more of a GAME than you could ever imagine. Us creative folk really enjoy slipping stuff into our ad's that speak strongly to the rest of the advertising community. Sometimes we can get approval for advertising that's designed to speak solely to the advertising community.

There are lots of reasons people advertise, and there are lots of ways to get your marketing message out there. The idea of hiring an agency to look out for your companies best marketing interests is a bit weird. Your asking people who make a living convincing the masses to buy stuff they don't (necessarily) need to help you advertise. Do you really think we can't convince you that the ideas we come up with will help you in exactly the way you want them to?

It's a game to us. We want to get results for you because it will help our business. Will we always tell you the best ways to achieve your goals for the least amount of money? Will we tell you ways to increase profit by huge margins if it means our business won't benefit as much? The answer is, of course, NO!!

Why not? We're scared. If you knew that you could increase your profits, productivity, and overall customer satisfaction without buying broadcast media (potentially saving millions) why wouldn't you? Large advertising and media corporations have substantial vested interests in seeing broadcast media boom. The problem is that broadcast media (both TV and radio) are on the decline. People are watching their favorite shows on the internet, or on a PVR box (which allows you to scan past commercial breaks).

REMEMBER: It's been a slow process. We all love watching TV shows, and we all love surfing the internet. We're now closer than ever to being able to link the interactivity of the internet with the entertainment of TV. When the link is finally realized advertising will have to switch from convincing people to do things, to connecting solutions with problems. When fully interactive, internet integrated, television is introduced we'll be able to choose what we watch, when we want to watch it, without commercial breaks. The goal for advertising at that point will be to help people who have some problem (e.g. dirty windows, uncomfortable underwear, a cell phone that keeps dropping calls.)


2. IT'S CHANGING

It's been forecasted that over the next 10 years, conventional advertising will completely disappear. I find the idea of unconventional advertising very exciting. Imagine: fantastically creative ideas being delivered on demand through creative mediums. Imagine the type of ad campaign that could get your best friend to come up to you and tell you about "the coolest" cell phone exactly when your ready to buy a cell phone.

We're on the cusp of having truly interactive and media-integrated advertising. We'll feel some growing pains, but in the end, we'll have some fantastic advertising that may shed some light on who we are as people, why we do the things we do, and may even bring people together. Has the primary goal of advertising ever been to help people?

What Everybody Ought to Know About Brainstorming

I've never understood those unorganized, unproductive brainstorming sessions that are just sprung on everyone around a boardroom table. To understand how to conduct a successful brainstorming session, is to first understand the people you're brainstorming with.

There are three types of people you might be brainstorming with:

1. The talkers: to these people, talking spawns thinking. The more they talk, the more they think. They're generally very comfortable saying the first things that come to their mind.

2. The listeners: these people like to think before they say anything. They're generally quiet during surprise brainstorming sessions because they're absorbing the information, only to process later.

3. The regurgitators: these people hear ideas and associate them with something that they've heard before. They're generally the type of people who come up with unusable ideas, or common ideas. These people often help to get brainstorming sessions started.

THE BEST BRAINSTORMING SESSION EVER

I was recently working on a campaign where brainstorming was required. I sent an email to all participants 2 days in advance, telling them about the brainstorming meeting. The talkers showed up and thanked me for the advanced notice so they could avoid scheduling conflicts. The listeners showed up and, having previously researched the brainstorming topic and digested some of the information, became talkers. They shared such good information that it spawned the talkers to talk even more. All of these great ideas helped the regurgitators come up with unique ideas.

WE GOT THE CREATIVE JUICES FLOWING - all for the price of an e-mail.

- Give 48 hrs notice, and get a fantastic brainstorming session. -

How to write copy even grandpa would read

So you've written some great copy and uploaded on your website; bought some ad space where it would appear in front of the most people, and it still isn't producing the results you want. Now what? Consider my 6 rules of writing for the masses.

1. Avoid Jargon
Probably the hardest rule to abide by. You might think that your target audience should understand a certain level of jargon, but what if they don't? Do you really want to confuse those who don't understand all the industry terminology? The goal of copywriting should always focus on allowing the message to reach the maximum number of people.

2. Avoid complex sentence structure
This is a great exercise for coming up with really simple, easy-to-understand copy: Reduce your sentences to their lowest form. Instead of using a semicolon, use a period. Instead of adding a whole bunch of adverbs, use one really good one. If you can write a 60 word paragraph in 40 or 30 words, DO IT! It may seem obvious. If you're paying for ad space, why use 20 or 30 extra words. If your audience is reading you're ad, why make them read an extra 20 or 30 words to get your message. This point is often overlooked for cool, wordy copy. You're not writing for your editor, you're writing for your audience.

3. Give relevant and unique examples
This is where you really want to know you're market, and create examples that won't just illustrate the point you're trying to make, but also leave a lasting impression.

EXAMPLE:
Which one would you rather read?

... just like all those other high-end hand bags. (e.g. Gucci, Prada, LV)

... just like all those other high-end hand bags. (e.g. The Gucci bag Brad Pitt uses as a cary-on, or the Prada bag I tripped over this morning.)

Either example would give you the clarification you would require, but the second one provides an image and a story to go along with the clarification.

4. Use subheadings
This is, not only, the easiest way to organize your ideas, but also allows readers to find the information they need quickly. My suggestion for writing really great copy: use provocative headlines that relate back to the main headline.

EXAMPLE:

MAIN HEADLINE: How to write copy even grandpa would read

SUBHEAD: Avoid Jargon BETTER HEADLINE: Grandpa doesn't use jargon, why do you?

5. Avoid using an inappropriate tone
You need to know your market, and if you're writing for the masses, you need to understand how to use a neutral tone. Don't get me wrong; I'm not telling you to be boring. You can still be edgy without ostracizing everyone who doesn't like the tone you're writing in.

SUGGESTION: If you're not a very good writer, take acting classes. This will allow you to invoke the spirit of the least offensive voice for your market. Maybe writing as if you were a 5 year old would be a good tone. Maybe writing as though you were an angry teenaged boy talking to his mom on a cell phone would work best. Acting class can help you create characters, and get into character while you write.

6. Use technological support sparingly
I've seen many sites using Shockwave games, file uploading, text field inputs, video playback, interactive shooting features, and mouse icon manipulation just to have them get in the way of their overall message. The primary focus of your advertising, and all your collateral is to get the customer to buy whatever it is that you're selling. If you want to separate someone from their money, you better hit them with the best message you can come up with. (Generally the best messages are very simple, and eliminate all risks any perspective customer may have of making the purchase.)

Comments or questions: get.jordan@jordanjulien.com

Avoid the top 10 stupid grammar errors

1. its and it's

Honestly, if you're still messing this one up you shouldn't be writing for advertising.

TIP: generally in English, an 's adds is to the word your modifying. "It's cold. The heat's gone. Let's get out of here." this example shows usage, respectively, of the 's abbreviating is, has and us.

It is an easy one, if it has an apostrophe it stands for it is, if it doesn't it shows possession. "It's over there" or "Its construction has been ongoing for a month."


2. their, there, and they're

Their refers to someone's possession.

There refers to a place.

They're is short for they are.

EXAMPLES:

Their bed wasn't made all day

The bed is always over there, by the door.

They're always eating the right types of food.

3. your and you're

My most hated, and easiest to spot error.

Your = possessive form of you. EXAMPLES: Your nose. Your bed. Your window.

You're = abbreviated you are. EXAMPLES: You're wet. You're hot. You're smart.

PLEASE GET IT RIGHT!

4. Dangling participle

You may not recognize the name of the error, but here are some examples. I'm sure it'll all come back.

Walking to the store, a tree almost fell on me.
what it means: a tree was walking to the store.

Running from the police, my shirt and pants were ripped off on a fence post.
what it means: your shirt and pants were running from the police.

Both of these can be easily fixed by adding "While I was..." in front of the sentence. The dangling participle can always be fixed easily, but is often overlooked.

5. e.g. and i.e.

OK, most people who think these two are interchangeable are WRONG. If you use them in the wrong way, you're bound to look stupid.

e.g. = exempli gratia, which means "for example".

i.e. = id est, which means "that is".

So, you want to use e.g. when you want to give an example, or give several examples. You want to use i.e. when you want to restate what you just said in other words, or to clarify what you just said.

EXAMPLES:

The new super hero showed fantastic telekinetic abilities (i.e. the ability to move things with your mind).

The new super hero had many different abilities, e.g., shape-shifting, flying, and super speed.

Don't be considered uneducated, get the usage right!

6. loose and lose

It's an error that is so frequent I had to add it to the list. This is simply a spelling error.
(Lose means something is gone that was once there. Loose means something is less tight than it once was.)

EASY WAY TO STOP MAKING THE ERROR:

When you want to use lose. Lose one of the o's.
When you want to use loose. Loosen the word by adding an o.

It's dumb, and kind of inaccurate, but it works well.

7. that and which

Ok, the most simple explanation is:

THAT is used for identification

WHICH is used for description

EXAMPLES:

This is the color that you asked for, right? (Identifies the color)

This is the color which will be used on your car, right? (Describes the color)

Most editors will catch this error, but do yourself a favor and try not to make it in the first place.

8. affect and effect

This is here because it's common, but easy to avoid.

AFFECT (to affect) = influences something. Magnets affect television reception.

EFFECT (an effect) = a result of something. Magnets cause a distortion effect on television screens.

9. misplaced or dangling modifiers

Generally, this just means there is a word, or group of words, that don't have a clear referral within the sentence.

EXAMPLE:

Using a cup, the water was bailed from the boat.
(The water didn't use the cup, and the cup wasn't bailed from the boat.)

Usually, this would be fixed by saying: He bailed the water from the boat using a cup.


10. comma splice

Simple. This happens when you have 2 main clauses connected by a comma.

EXAMPLE:

When you add boiling water to Jell-o, you get a liquid, solid Jell-o is only achieved after it sets in a cool place.

3 easy fixes:

Replace with a period:
When you add boiling water to Jell-o, you get a liquid. Solid Jell-o is only achieved after it sets in a cool place.

Add a conjunction:
When you add boiling water to Jell-o, you get a liquid, but solid Jell-o is only achieved after it sets in a cool place.

Replace with a semicolon:
When you add boiling water to Jell-o, you get a liquid; solid Jell-o is only achieved after it sets in a cool place.

Avoid these main grammar errors and avoid looking stupid!

How to write GREAT web copy!

What does 8 years of college/ university, 7 years of practical experience, and over $300,000 buy you? The 5 simple steps to writing great web copy that people will actually read.

Here's what I've come up with:

1. Keep it simple

Ok, most people already realize that they should boil down their copy to leave a condensed, concise version for the web. No one likes staring at a screen for too long. The biggest mistake people make is opening their article (or whatever it is you're writing) with an overly complex opening. Open small, leave the explanations for under subheadings; that way people can pick and choose which pieces of information they want to read.

2. Answer a question with your headline

Most people are online looking for answers to questions, or browsing through pages waiting for some answer to a question they think is interesting. The easiest way to peak someone's interest is by answering a question in your headline.

EXAMPLES:
How to write great web copy
10 books you should read before you die
What you should know about raising kids
The best time to plant tomatoes

3. Use subheads

As I alluded to before, subheadings are here to be used ... so use them. They are great for organizing information into bite-sized chunks. People love to read bite-sized bits of information. They also allow readers to skip past information that they already know. Write compelling, provocative subheadings, but don't make them more than one line long. Over 45% of readers will not read more than one line in a subheading, so keep it short or you may lose almost half of your message.

4. Use highlights

The best way to keep people reading is by making a promise of something good to come. The easiest way to make a promise of something good is by making an important word, line, or section highlighted. You can bold it, make it a different color, underline it, pull out a quote, or many many other things. The coolest thing about web copy is that there are so many ways to do everything.

HINT: You can also highlight a particular point by separating the text from the rest of the copy under a "secret subhead". Use something like "HINT", "WARNING", "CAUTION", "NOTE", or simply an " * " to indicate an important piece of information.


5. Make it relevant

Some people love to throw photo's, video, PDF's, and all sorts of media into their pages for visual stimulation. I know this article is supposed to be about web copy, but I needed to tell you that too much clutter within your copy could be detrimental. The point of your page is to convey a message by writing your opinion, the facts, or whatever you want on a particular subject. The point of media on your page is to support your words, not interfere with them. My suggestion is to use images, video, flash, and everything else, very sparingly. If you are referring directly to something in your text, try adding a link to the media rather than embedding it.

In the end, it's up to you how you want to write. These are some great guidelines that I've come up with, that I don't always follow. At the end of your page make sure you close it properly: if you're selling something, add a call to action; if you've written an opinion piece, add a question readers can answer by leaving comments; if you're asking for information, make sure you leave multiple channels for contact.

I would love to hear what you think. Feel free to comment, or visit my home page at www.jordanjulien.com

The Scam

Ok, I understand the whole eBay craze. People like shopping, people like getting great deals, and people love to get money for their used stuff. The whole online bidding system was genius, so why are there so many scams going on? Is there a way to truly protect yourself? Is there a better way eBay can do business?

Firstly, I think having an innate seller trust built in to the system of bidding is why they're are so many scammers. It's all to easy to find some photos of anything online and create an eBay account to sell something you don't have. Using systems such as PayPal, eBay has been able to prevent buyers from getting ripped off. But now there are other scams that are a bit harder to stop. There are people making phony bids on items, hoping to win, then paying with a fake PayPal email or with a counterfeit e-check. This causes two problems: first, it causes legitimate buyers to be unable to win your items, which causes your eBay fees to go up without any cause. If you end up falling for their fake email or e-check, you also risk loosing your items to some scammer.

Now, are there ways you can protect yourself? Yes! There is a security department at eBay that sniffs out and reports suspicious activity to interested parties. The problem is, there are so many scammers, that it's almost impossible to detect them all. You can also detect some scams on you're own. If your familiar with the South African scam's, you'll pretty much realize you shouldn't trust any incoming bids from anyone from South Africa. All these scams are pretty discouraging for new eBayer's. Why should we have to familiarize ourselves with scams to be able to use eBay?

The answer? eBay has become too large. With a very wide reach across the globe, eBay has become so big that its attracted many people who just want to make a quick buck the illegal way. So, rather than just identifying the problem, here are a few solutions:

A) eBay sponsored pick-up stores in major markets. Some of these type of stores have been set up by eBayers, but they would be more effective if they were actually run by eBay. The general idea is that eBay would charge a higher percentage of the total sale, but would take care of all the eBay advertising, selling, answering of questions, shipping, and ensuring payment. Once payment is received, the seller would just go and pick up a check from eBay. Since eBay would be selling the items for you, you may end up receiving higher bids, since there is no risk of not receiving the item. (because eBay would be holding it)

B) eBay escrow - This could be done in conjunction with FedEx. Prior to listing, items could be shipped to an eBay escrow warehouse to eliminate the threat of not receiving an item. Payment for these items could be made to an eBay escrow account which would eliminate the possibility of having a counterfeit check or fake pay-pal email sent as payment.

In essence, I think eBay has a duty to stop spending so much money on security and buying up de-funked ISP's and start spending money on REAL security. The two solutions I've suggested will take some major investments on eBay's part, but will renew their name. Day-after-day they're becoming known as a rip off. If you buy something online, don't expect to receive it as it appears, if you expect to receive it at all. If you dare sell something, be prepared for a slew of questions, fake bids, and possibly counterfeit checks that will screw up your entire bank account. Why would anyone choose eBay over Craigslist?

eBay, you're cute, but you're really starting to suck. START SPENDING YOU'RE MONEY IN THE RIGHT WAY!

NEWS REPORT ON A SCAM:



SOME VERY INTERESTING INFORMATION:

Culture ... 400 years in the making.

It's been about 400 years since the first colonies popped up in the United States and about 399 years since Champlain first founded Quebec City here in Canada. Considering how long it took everyone else to develop a distinct culture, we're doing alright. Let me give you a run down of where we came from:

400 years ago - European colonization of North America

800 years ago - The United Kingdom formed its roots

2850 years ago - Persian Empire developed

3500 years ago - Roman Empire developed

4800 years ago - Greek (Minoan) Empire developed

14,000 years ago - Japanese Islands were inhabited

1.36 million years ago - Homo erectus developed in China

Keep in mind most of the real cultural milestones, apart from inventing the wheel and discovering fire, were made during the renaissance period between 1300 and 1600. This means that the Europeans began developing a real sense of their own style, and culture between 400 and 900 years ago. I'm not making these numbers up, I'll provide a list of resources and links you can use to come to your own conclusions about the numbers, but the way I see it: it took the UK about 400 years to develop its culture. North America's been colonized for about 400 years now. It's beginning to look like we're going through a renaissance of our own.

First, we had the telephone which allows people to communicate around the world, then the radio to reach a broad audience, then the television to allow us to see each other. Then, we developed the Internet which connected us in a way we couldn't imagine ten years ago. What television did for the elite and talented, the internet can now do for every person on the planet. Streaming video and audio allows us to have unmatched experiences from the comfort of our desk. With the introduction of vibrating mice and keyboards that can simulate the feeling of motion, to the introduction of devices that will allow you to transmit smells and tastes over the internet, will our renaissance allow us to experience anything we want without leaving home?

Imagine what we can do, what we can experience, and what type of unity we can accomplish with a system that will truly allow us all to connect with one another through every sense. Methods of marketing are changing so fast professionals can't keep up. New technology and new ways of communicating are rendering older 'traditional' methods of marketing obsolete. If video killed the radio star, than the internet will end up killing both the video and radio stars. The new stars will be those truly creative folks who can create things people really want to pay attention to. Through comparatively narrow channels, marketing has been more about manipulating customers perception to meet the goals of the corporation. Now, with massive, almost infinite channels, marketing has become more about matching customers with what they're looking for. It's becoming easier to manipulate a corporation to fit with what consumers are looking for.

Are we in the middle of a digital renaissance? If we are, should there be a group of experts involved with minding the gates of the net? There are already issues popping up with international laws being broken through the internet. We can now view advertisements that governments try to keep of our airwaves, we can now talk order brides online, we can transfer money with a click of a mouse, should we be concerned with how fast we're progressing?

Independent

I guess, given the political place the United States is in right now, the time for an under qualified, undereducated, rich president has past. Now, it's time for America to help choose its president through the help of TV and MySpace. I've heard some pretty screwed up ideas about ways to select a president without having some dumb, rich, out-of-touch, out-of-reality person ending up in power, but this one may actually work. Mark Brunett (Survivor, The Apprentice, etc.) is teaming up with MySpace to help launch the next independent race for the presidency. You can become a contender by creating a site on MySpace and announcing your intentions to become president. This will end up being aired on some unnamed station in 2008.

Ofcourse the winner will get a million dollars to either donate, or use for their own political campaign. Something tells me that if this is done right it will be very good for the States. It'll spur people to get up and vote, it will allow people who would make great candidates the reach and financial backing to actually have a chance, as well as bringing the race for presidency down to a level that people can understand. Up until now, the whole political landscape has been littered with well-spoken freaks who believe so passionately in their causes that they'd be willing to slap-down anyone who opposed them. These elitist politicians have not only made it hard for the regular working-class person to get involved, but they've made it pretty uninteresting. Even if this show fails, it should be interesting. I think having a creative president would kick ass, even though I'm Canadian.

You think Clinton and Gore will have a MySpace page?